I am not sure when it happened exactly.
I don't feel different. I feel like I have always felt ever since I can remember feeling about anything. Some views and beliefs have changed. I have learned a few things from my mistakes and, although there are things I wish I hadn't done, in the same place with the same information I'd probably react the same way. It is what it is and all that. Once when dying my hair I noticed that the middle of it is a cute little cranberry color with a pretty wine on the rest of it. Cute but not intentional. Somewhere along the way I have turned, at least on the crown, almost entirely gray. So the dye took lighter on the lighter hair - duh. This was new. This was terrible. This I didn't like. "OUCH". Also - once upon a time I didn't get sick. I got freaking injured by doing nothing dangerous at all. Like, for instance, the time I dislocated my knee in the movie theater. Not on the stairs or bumping things in the dark just sitting watching the movie and my knee flew off to the side. I also tend to trip when standing still. I was used to that. This no immune system, being sleepy all the time and having random periods - - - that is not okay. Did I mention that I have this tiny line on the corner of my mouth and a small crater between my eyebrows? WTH!?! It's not all bad. As I get older I watch my priorities change. My house isn't spotless because I want more time with the people that are close to me. I am not dating much because I want to date someone right for me not someone who I think I should date. I want to have a stronger healthier body but am not really worried about being skinny or hot any more. (which is darn good cuz I have these enormous hips - which the nice lady at the jeans store brought up several times - shame we can't just vajayjay kick those stupid skinny bitches sometimes). That said, I do somehow feel sexier - which is weird. I still feel like me though. And me doesn't know how to get old. I don't know what I need to know. How does one go about moving into that part of life? The me in my head is about 30 years old and is not ready to deal with Roth accounts, wrinkles, age spots, worrying about being regular, being delicate, menopause or heartscans. I am just not ready for it yet.
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Childhood Stories That Helped Make Me Who I am Today
The Borrowers by Mary Norton The Owl and the Pussycat by Edward Lear Peter Pan by J.M Barrie Rosenella - Children's vinyl "Let's Pretend" Series East of the Sun, West of the Moon The Ear Book - Dr. Seus The Little Mermaid - Anderson Rapunzel Important TV, Radio and Film bits from my childhood 1,2,3, 4, 5 , 6,7,8, 9, 10 11 12 (some of you are singing it - you know you are) NEAR.....far.....NEAR...far I'm just a bill, Yes, I'm only a bill. And I'm sitting here on Capitol Hill. ... 3, 6, 9, 12, 15, 18, 21...27...30 Oranges with rubber band lips singing opera Bunny Rabbit - ping pong balls The Rescuers The Secret of Nimh Cinderella Snow White Sleeping Beauty Star Wars Bewitched Star Wars radio show Toys I wanted for Christmas but never got Light Bright (which I eventually got in my mid- twenties...way to go mom) An erector set Ken - yes all my barbies were lesbians A horse A glider did I mention the erector set???? (and no - lincoln logs are not the same) Favorite toys My raggedy anne doll My knitting machine a little loom my easy back oven my stuffed ewok my ratfink doll What about you guys? The first time I took relpax for a migraine and the thing went away - like a normal person headache was one of the most magical experiences of my life.
There is something about a big orange moon that makes you think deep thoughts. You know the kind that is so big that you are sure if you moved just a tad closer it would fill your vision completely. It sits so close to the horizon that it is impossible not to believe that it is touching the ground.
You see something so unworldy and it is hard not to feel that there is magic in the air. I am filled with wonder. |
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October 2021
About meJim Henson may be the single biggest influence in how I turned out. |